


"You told me to be happy..."

by Celestialxhunter



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Best Friends, Character Death, Crying, Death, Depressed Castiel (Supernatural), Depression, Goodbyes, Hugs, Human Castiel (Supernatural), Human Dean Winchester, Hurt, I Made Myself Cry, I'm Sorry, Love, M/M, Original Character Death(s), Sad Dean Winchester, Sad Ending, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-09
Updated: 2020-11-09
Packaged: 2021-03-09 04:06:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,306
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27464647
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Celestialxhunter/pseuds/Celestialxhunter
Summary: "Why did you try to kill yourself?""You told me to be happy..."
Relationships: Castiel & Dean Winchester, Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 2
Kudos: 18





	"You told me to be happy..."

**Author's Note:**

> Hello!  
> I actually wanted to welcome you guys first.
> 
> So, this story is the first one I've ever written in English. I wrote fanfiction before, but in German. So I hope my english isn't that terrible! I am always open to suggestions for improvement. 
> 
> Okay, I'll let you read now. Thanks for reading.

"Open the damn door! I know that you are there!" Dean yelled as he knocked at Castiel apartment, always and always again. He needed to talk to him, he needed to see him, to hear him. He was about to broke down the door as the door opened and he was now standing in front of him. Castiel looked pale, sad, even broken. Dean looked at him as tears starting to running down his face. Castiel was here, alive. The Winchester walked forwards and grapped his arms around him, hugged him tightly. 

"Damn, Cas! Why did you try to kill yourself?" Dean whispered sadly as he pulled away to look at him and looked into Castiel beautiful pale face, his eyes who were so bright looked now so broke. 

"You told me to be happy." Castiel whispered before he turned around and walked over to the couch only to sit down.

"Yes, happy but not to kill yourself!" Dean said frustrated as he closed the door and followed him to the couch, sitting down beside Cas. Dean still couldn´t believe it, when he got the news that his best friend tried to kill himself. He couldn´t lose him, not now, not ever. 

"You don´t get it? Are you really so blind?! I will never be happy, I will always feel alone, unloved. I tried so hard to be happy but it doesn´t work. Always when I think I am happy happen something or it lasts only for some hours until it´s night and I get sad all over again. It´s like my body allow me a little bit happiness only to show later that I will never have it! I can´t change it, you can´t change it, nobody can´t change it. I tried to kill myself because that´s the only way I can be happy. All the pain, all the feelings, that life is gone and that will make me truly happy because I don´t have to suffer anymore, because I can be finally free." Castiel said while tears streaming down his cheeks, his voice broke, he sounded so frustrated, so sad, so tired. Dean closed his eyes as tears were streaming down his cheeks as he keep listen to every word of him saying. 

"How can you say something like that?! It´s not true, no. What about your family? friends? Me? They´ll be even hurt worse, you can´t do that to them, you can´t do this to me! Why did you never tell me something? We´re support to be best friends!" Dean asked frustrated, looked at Castiel now as he turned fully to his best friend, who just chuckled bitterly.

"Oh now it´s my fault?! Where were you where I need you the most? I needed a friend. I needed someone who looked at me and knew that something is wrong! Who looked right into my eyes or noticed that I got quieter but you didn´t! Nobody did. I don´t blame you,Dean. I blame nobody. Life is like that. People will look away when you want to talk, nobody want to know like sad you are, like broken and then it´s to late, they´re like ´why didn´t he talk with me? I would have been there for him.´ but the truth is, they wouldn´t be there. They look away until it´s to late." Castiel said sadly and Dean knew that he was right, that every single word was true. He looked over to his best friend who had now closed his eyes. 

"I´m sorry, i am so sorry... I should have notice that something was off. Please, never do it again! I can´t lose you, your parents and friends can´t lose you, I can not lose you. Please.. we need you! I need you!" Dean said with force as would it get directly into his head and change anything. He couldn´t lose his best friend.

"I promise, Dean. I am sorry, so sorry." Castiel said tiredly without even to open his eyes and Dean just put his arms around his best friend, keep him close and nodded. No one said something, they just sat there and Dean holding his best friend like his life depents on it. There was much more to say but neither Castiel nor Dean wanted to argue.

Dean didn´t know how long they sat there, minutes or hours but Castiel started to move. "Can you get us something to eat from down the street?" He asked as he looked at him.

"We can ordered something." Dean suggested and looked at him. He didn't want to leave him alone, he was worried, but Castiel just shook his head. "No, it will be faster, and they're just around the corner."

"Are you sure? will you be fine?" Dean asked worriedly and looked at Cas and standing up, walking over to the door before turned around to look at his best friend who smiled a little and nodded. "Yes, I´ll be fine, Dean." Castiel said, looked at Dean before he added with a smile. "Thank you for everything." 

"I´ll always be there for you.." Dean said and opened the door, with a last smile and look on his best friend Castiel, he walked out to get their food.

It was over 30 minutes later as Dean walked into the apartment. "Hey Cas, I'm back, it took longer than expected. I almost have to fight someone to get your favorite ice cream." Dean said, chuckled as he pulled off his jacket before he walked over to Castiel with the food and ice cream. He put the food down and looked at Castiel. He looked so peaceful with his small smile, so happy, like all his pain is gone

"Cas..." He whispered softly as that his best friend was not reacting. "No...please... noo." He sobbed when he noticed that castiel was no longer breathing, that he was gone. He put one hand on Castiel's cheek. "Please, wake up." 

Dean should have known that Cas wasn't hungry, that it was just an excuses so Dean would leave the house. He started crying uncontrolled as he took the life lose body into his arms. 

"Please, please.. don´t leave me.. please." Dean sat there for hours, crying and begging that Castiel would wake up again. "P...please, w...w...wake up... d...don´t l..leave me. I love you, please." Dean whispered, prayed brokenly. Why did he do that? He loved him, he couldn't just disappear from his life like that. 

A few days later, Castiel's brother came to Dean and gave him a letter that they found in Castiel's things. When he was alone again, he sat down to opened the letter and began to read.

"Hello Dean,

I'm sorry that I just left this world. I know you feel guilty for the times you couldn't be there for me. Don´t.

But Dean, I know everything you have ever done, the good and the bad, you done it for love. You raised your little brother for love, you fought for the good things for love. That´s who you are. You´re the most caring and you´re the most selfless loving person I will ever know. 

No matter how hard you would have tried to save me, you couldn't, nobody could. I gave up. I know you want to save everyone, but you can't save everyone. I wasn't strong enough, but you are strong. You deserve so much better, you deserve a happy life even when I'm no longer there. I'll sit on a cloud and watch over you.

Thank you so much for everything.

I love you, Dean. 

Goodbye, Cas."


End file.
